The Big One!

The car must be where the goofiness of my kids comes out.  This morning on the way to work I hear them bickering in the back seat.   Nothing unusual.  I hear “No I will not” …..”Yes you will”….”I said no!”…. “But I say please” etc.  The volume is getting louder and louder, I know it is my time to break this little quarrel up.  At this point I still have yet to know what this fight is about; I am assuming it is a toy of some sort.  If I was a betting woman I would put my money on the Blue DSi in the back.  Not the Pink “Regular DS” That pretty much does the same thing… But the blue one.  Teague thinks that he is the rightful holder of the blue one since he is a boy and that the pink is Tybee’s.  In all actuality they both are Miss Tybee’s.  Before you all start thinking poor guy, his sister has two and he doesn’t have any.. He has a toddler learning version of the DS but it is not good enough!

I finally break up the squabble in rear with my simple question “What are we arguing about back there as I stare them down in the rear view mirror.  Intimidation is not my thing, so I do the best I can with my stare down.  ;)  Tybee breaks the concentration with this comment “Teague says he wants to marry me.  I am not marrying him!”  I try so hard not to laugh or even crack a smile.  I look over at Teague.  He innocently says “Me ask her please.”  Now let me just give you the visual of what he looked like… (o my goodness it will melt your  heart)  Teague is looking over at Tybee on his right with his Big Blue eyes and his hands in the praying position, begging and pleading for her to marry him.  I don’t even know where he came up with this!  It starts again.

Teague: “I’m going to marry you Tybee.”

Tybee: “No way Teague”

Teague: “Please Tybee I lobe (love) you”

Tybee: “I love you too but I am not marrying you.”

Teague: (looks at me very confidently) “I’m marrying Tybee”

Tybee: “Well are you buying me a big diamond?”  - At this point, I am dying with laughter trying to keep it in!

Teague: Yep

Tybee: “It costs a lot of money”

Teague: “My moneys goes to Disney world.”

(They’ve been saving all their money to go to Disney world.  Teaching them about saving.)

Tybee: “To bad then Sucka” – What?!?!!?

I then chime in.  Bickering is one thing… name calling is a whole other.  “That’s not nice Tybee.  You should try to be more sensitive to his feelings.” I then direct my attention to Teague “Teague I’ll marry you.”

Teague: “Mom you’re Poopy.”

Rejected by a 3 year old… Does wonders for your self esteem…  I had some names of my own to call him at that point (obviously I’m kidding), but felt Tybee’s pain. I couldn’t help but laugh.

With all this, I have to wonder why it isn’t illegal to talk in the car to your children.  It’s much more distracting that a cell phone! ;)

The case of the missing rubber duckie :)

     I am not one to complain and I am certainly not one to point fingers at other peoples parenting.  I think today that may have to change for just one split second, just long enough for me to rant about this one.  I know all parents think their child is the cutest kid in the world. (Trust me; I am one of those people except mine really are the cutest ;)  I am also one of those people who think that ALL children are cute.  I see a child and I am immediately wrapped around their finger, even not so “cute” children. J  SO PLEASE KEEP THAT IN MIND AS I CONTINUE!

    Yesterday, I was on my lunch hour at Von-Maur looking for a new jacket.  I have a limited amount of time and am really concentrated on the task at hand: Finding a new Jacket!  As I am speed shopping through the racks, I hear this: “squeak, squeak, squeak” Now I am looking around to find where are earth this ridiculous noise is coming from.  I still can’t find the source; however, I did notice that I was not the only women wondering what this horrendous sound was.  It sounded like a dog was viciously murdering a rubber duck, and the duck was squeaking for its life.  Fun, huh. You know you want to experience this heavenly sound now after I tempted you with that wonderful description.   For a split second there was nothing, I took a deep breath and continued my exploration. It started again.  This time the beat was faster and one squeak was a smidge louder than the other. “Squeak, SQUEAK, squeak, SQUEAK.”  What the heck was this noise?  I am by the clothing rack closest to the door and all of a sudden this mom comes from the children’s clothing area. (Happens to be right by women’s clothing)  The sound seems to attached to her somewhere because it is getting louder the closer she comes to me.  Just then, out pops a little girl from in between the clothing racks!  This noise is coming from her.

     I frantically looking her up and down and check her hands.  Nothing.  No duck. No dog chew toy. No Wheezy from Toy Story (I should’ve known about that one, since he no longer had a squeaker!)  Where is it coming from?  HER SHOES!! With every step this precious little girl took, a ridiculous noise projected from her feet!!! I thought something must be stuck to her feet or something, then I overheard a woman close by tell another lady about the shoes.  I thought “you have to be kidding me, someone would do this on purpose?”  If you are a mother, you know that your kids are never quiet; they are noisy enough without some silly shoes.  On a side note, the shoes themselves were adorable but if I bought these and heard this crap I would have immediately returned them.  I do what I always do and research it the moment I get back to work.  Sure enough, these were actually shoes and they had a brilliant name “Squeak Me Shoes”.  WHAT!?!?!?  Oh wait it gets even better, not only is there a whole website for this lovely foot work but it also comes with a catchy little slogan “Hear your child at all times”. Really? Have the makers of these shoes ever been around children?  Do they have their own children? I understand what the makers were thinking: “O you’ll never lose your child and they will always be in ear shot.”, but we all know that the majority of the times when you need to worry about your child is when they are completely silent!  Those shoes will not help you then.  Try keeping an eye on your child instead.  Furthermore,  I am going to go out on a limb here and say that you ALWAYS hear your children!!!

  After I come down from my pedestal above the shoe making company, I then start to think about it. Let’s say they do make this annoying shoe, WHO on earth would buy them.  Lets then say that maybe grandma bought them for their sweet first born grandchild…. What mother in her right mind would then put these darn things on their feet?  Could you imagine if you were that child?  I would be eternally scared from this, every time I watched Ernie on Sesame Street I would have an uncontrollable urge to gallop and not know why! Hehe

  Even if you were not worried about your child’s psyche and were deaf to high pitch sounds, wouldn’t  you think of others as you were swiping your credit card to purchase these teeny little noise makers? 

    So the question remains… Why on earth would you buy these?  If someone can give me a LOGICAL explanation, I will retract my opinion on these ridiculous creatures!  Hey, I’m open-minded!

Dinner and a Show

I had the privilege of keeping the kids this past Saturday.  This is normally the day they go to their father’s but he had been sick so this was an unexpected privilege.  We had nothing planned and it had been so cold the past week, we had a case of cabin fever.  I thought it would be nice to get out of the house and burn off some of this energy these kids stole from me! 

We went to the classiest joint I could think of, I am sure you know the kind I am talking about, the kind of place where only the most elite group of people dines.  A place that is laced in gold and you can smell the elegance the moment you walk into the door.  The people are there to serve you and you always receive a smile with your entree…Mc Donald’s. 

We quickly rushed towards the beautiful shiny box that only newest model are showcased.   These toys are not only super posh but they come boxed in their very own carrying case.  Carefully trying to make educated guesses on which one they might get, They decided that Tybee wanted a beautiful unicorn and Teague a monster truck that was refined enough to let you customize the truck yourself with stickers.  We finally order, trying to contain our excitement and we walk away with our stupendous stack of Cheeseburgers (my inner fancy Nancy is showing through). 

The kids and I made a verbal agreement that if they ate dinner like civilized human beings that they could play in the wonderful world just beyond the glass doors.  With this agreement in place, we had a lovely dinner as a sophisticated family.  Teague even was wearing underwear and went on the potty there.  He got extra point, so of course I had to hold up to my end of the deal.  I cleaned off the table with my lovely helpers and gathered those darling little coats up.

We headed through the crystal clear enchanted doors (covered in knee level fingerprints).  Just as before, the elegant new smell caught my attention.  Let me make this perfectly clear as to just how elegant this smell was, if you would combine gym socks, old sneakers, and then throw in a locker room, bottled it up and sprayed this perfume all over yourself you would have a dense version of  this aroma.  Now I have been in the wonderful, germ- filled, sauna that is known as a play place by common folk, but this particular day swept me off my feet.

The kids’ shoes are off in a flash and they perfectly put them in the correct cubbies next to one another.  They take of f, instantly making friends in this tubular primary colored world.  I try to make the most of my time catching up on emails on my phone and chatting with my mother in the most “peace” I have ever accomplish when I am on the phone (that’s a whole other blog).  We start chatting about how disgusting the play place can be and I am starting to squirm on the bench Infested with discussed that I am now oddly aware of. Every time I catch Teague’s gaze, immediately ask “Do you have to go potty?” Then after a few conversations, my mother and I are off the phone.

I have then noticed Tybee found a friend from school whose mom just happens to be a teacher.  I recognize her (she must be having a chic evening out with her family also).  Tybee then takes off with her son.  Occasionally, I spot Teague in the window of the tunnels and he blows me a kiss every time.  My thoughts then go to how lucky I am with the two of them; they are such good kids. 

We have now been playing for about an hour.  I call the ten minute timer and of course I get the “awe man”.  Ten minutes flew by fast and I sent Tybee in to get her brother.  Just as she goes up the tunnel, Teague comes around the corner.  My proud glow suddenly starts to tarnish fast!  I look and Mr. Teague is holding his pants AND underwear in his arms.  Yes, my son is the kid who is naked in the McDonald’s Play Place.  Luckily, I was prepare ( like the awesome mom I am)  and brought extra pants and a pull-up but just as he gets to me I hear Tybee’s friend snickering to his mom.  Not only did my child disrobe in public, but he also did it in front of people I will have to see again!!

O, the joys of parenting…

These poor people just tried to come to an elegant place and dine…little did they know they were going to get dinner and a show as well!

The Thinker

I've always wondered why people refer to sitting on the toilet "the thinker". These people must have never been mothers, or parents for that matter.  In my house you can barely get into the bathroom and close the door before someone "needs" to talk to you. I've even tried to sneak away and creep up the stairs, carefully choosing each stair, praying it wont squeak and blow my cover.  Just when I thought I was free, some little person discovers my absence and suddenly is about to pee their pants!!  Now if you are a mom you know that if your 2 year old needs to go potty you stop WHATEVER you are doing and support them!

The other day my 2year old come in wanting me to attach his Batman cape (of course) and then here comes my 7 year old needing help reading a word from her Ramona book.  Just when I thought the bathroom couldn't get any smaller her comes "Frenchy" the cat.  Who, by the way, can open up a door by pushing it in! 

Now that I let everyone and there dog (in this case cat) into share my bathroom experience with me,
I quickly fix everyone's problem and send them on their way. Just then I hear talking outside my door.


I peak out and I see ALL of  them line up like black Friday shoppers against the wall, just waiting for my door to open! Now believe you me that I LOVE being so popular in my house hold but even celebrities need their privacy from time to time.  You would think that I was hording candy or something by the response I was getting. 


The worst part is after they hear the flush and door open they say what they say and don't "need" to talk to me for hours. 


What can I say, I guess I am just old celebrity news!

 

And They Say CHIVALRY is Dead... :)

Today my eccentric son & I decided we would go shopping at Target. We needed a few typical items. Well this journey was just the same as any other day. My son Teague dressed in his red satin cape (yes this is typical in MY every day). With Superman by my side we set out in search of some cat food and as always .. way more than we planned to find. Now Clark Kent was equipped with a $5 Batman movie featuring Scooby Doo. :) Like all moms of mini super heroes, I made a deal: if he was well behaved on the store he could get the movie. Even super heroes need motivation, right?
Teague did a remarkable job througout the entire store, in fact an older lady commented on just how "well behaved" my son was and that it looked like I knew what I was doing. (Of course I do; I am a mom of a super hero and a princess) When those last few syllables came out of her mouth, my inner mommy cried "Oh No!". Like clock work my hero suddenly became my arch enemy. Now for some reason he thought it was cute to sit in the middle of uthe clothing racks with his monkey rain boots hanging out.(Yes I did say rain boot and a red satin cape... but in my defense he was fully dressed!)
We are now running saying "can't catch me". Finally I caught that little joker and explained that we cannot do that in the store and he willingly abided by this. We are now looking for a shirt for his sister because everyone knows it has to be fair, when all of a sudden Teague takes off. Now this wasn't your ordinary run off, this was more like the invisible man type thing! One minute he was there and the next he was gone. I chased after him leaving my cart, purse and the cat food behind. I went in the exact direction he went one second before. He was gone. I started to panic, couldn't breathe, and my watery eyes quickly started scanning the store. I turned to an employee who was near by and asked "have you seen a little boy in a red cape?". She looked at me like I was a nut case.
Feeling sick to my stomach, I hear the sweetest voice. "Momma where are you?" I am still scanning the room moving towards the voice. Again, "momma where are you?". There stood a brave two year old with the most innocent look on his face. I run towards him and he holds up his tiny blue oval box. "Por (for) you momma". Still furious and coming down from the panic craze I was just in, I open it. There in that box was a ring with black stones. My precious son saw this ring and took off to get it for me. I was torn with the emotions of being melted beyond belief or to stop allowing him to watch sport center. :)
So the question still remains: did the little cape wearing smooth talker get to keep the Batman/Scooby Doo movie?


Tune in next time:
Same Bat-Time. Same Bat-Channel.

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