The Big One!

The car must be where the goofiness of my kids comes out.  This morning on the way to work I hear them bickering in the back seat.   Nothing unusual.  I hear “No I will not” …..”Yes you will”….”I said no!”…. “But I say please” etc.  The volume is getting louder and louder, I know it is my time to break this little quarrel up.  At this point I still have yet to know what this fight is about; I am assuming it is a toy of some sort.  If I was a betting woman I would put my money on the Blue DSi in the back.  Not the Pink “Regular DS” That pretty much does the same thing… But the blue one.  Teague thinks that he is the rightful holder of the blue one since he is a boy and that the pink is Tybee’s.  In all actuality they both are Miss Tybee’s.  Before you all start thinking poor guy, his sister has two and he doesn’t have any.. He has a toddler learning version of the DS but it is not good enough!

I finally break up the squabble in rear with my simple question “What are we arguing about back there as I stare them down in the rear view mirror.  Intimidation is not my thing, so I do the best I can with my stare down.  ;)  Tybee breaks the concentration with this comment “Teague says he wants to marry me.  I am not marrying him!”  I try so hard not to laugh or even crack a smile.  I look over at Teague.  He innocently says “Me ask her please.”  Now let me just give you the visual of what he looked like… (o my goodness it will melt your  heart)  Teague is looking over at Tybee on his right with his Big Blue eyes and his hands in the praying position, begging and pleading for her to marry him.  I don’t even know where he came up with this!  It starts again.

Teague: “I’m going to marry you Tybee.”

Tybee: “No way Teague”

Teague: “Please Tybee I lobe (love) you”

Tybee: “I love you too but I am not marrying you.”

Teague: (looks at me very confidently) “I’m marrying Tybee”

Tybee: “Well are you buying me a big diamond?”  - At this point, I am dying with laughter trying to keep it in!

Teague: Yep

Tybee: “It costs a lot of money”

Teague: “My moneys goes to Disney world.”

(They’ve been saving all their money to go to Disney world.  Teaching them about saving.)

Tybee: “To bad then Sucka” – What?!?!!?

I then chime in.  Bickering is one thing… name calling is a whole other.  “That’s not nice Tybee.  You should try to be more sensitive to his feelings.” I then direct my attention to Teague “Teague I’ll marry you.”

Teague: “Mom you’re Poopy.”

Rejected by a 3 year old… Does wonders for your self esteem…  I had some names of my own to call him at that point (obviously I’m kidding), but felt Tybee’s pain. I couldn’t help but laugh.

With all this, I have to wonder why it isn’t illegal to talk in the car to your children.  It’s much more distracting that a cell phone! ;)

The Trash Monster

    You know how some people think there is a sock monster who steals all the socks out of the dryer?  I believe I have a trash monster named iDunno.  This monster, who I am sure is cute just like the ones from Monsters Inc., does quite the opposite.  A trash monster is the one who destroys your house while you are sleeping!   You know it had to be him because you spent all day cleaning this beautiful house and it looked spectacular no less.  Somehow by the time you wake up in the morning your house is a wreck.  There are shoes everywhere and toys all over, your bra in the middle of the living room floor, and your toothbrush in the fireplace!  Well you and I both know that I did not put them there! 
 **Disclaimer: Unless of course it was margarita night.. and in that case please disregard all above and below statements.**  :)
   Yes, I know what you are thinking, "Don't you have two kids?".  I do and they are lovely little sweethearts.  You see....I know it could not be them. When asked if they made this mess they say, "I didn't do it".  I then question "who did it?" and they continue to explain "I dunno".  So now the case is closed .... it is Mr. iDunno the trash monster and his dirty scowling ways!
  Now I can only think of one LOGICAL way to beat out this trash monger.....  If only I could wiggle my cute little nose like Samantha Stephens. I would then have the powers to make my broomstick sweep up the trash, and the toys jump back into the box (okay think Samantha crossed with Marry Poppins). 
Just one *dinkle dinkle ding* and my house would be clean! Sounds good right?

  

    But if you know me as well as I know me....my typical day would not be like those of Mary Poppins or Samantha Stevens.... O NO, I am more like Jeannie!  I try to make something great happen.... so I stand in my living room and cross my arms and do the most beautifully executed head nod  *POOF* there is now a giant spotted llama eating the trash in my living room and adding more crap ... literally!!!!! 

 But sadly, I do not have these OR any powers, so I guess I will just go hide in my nice clean bottle!

The Thinker

I've always wondered why people refer to sitting on the toilet "the thinker". These people must have never been mothers, or parents for that matter.  In my house you can barely get into the bathroom and close the door before someone "needs" to talk to you. I've even tried to sneak away and creep up the stairs, carefully choosing each stair, praying it wont squeak and blow my cover.  Just when I thought I was free, some little person discovers my absence and suddenly is about to pee their pants!!  Now if you are a mom you know that if your 2 year old needs to go potty you stop WHATEVER you are doing and support them!

The other day my 2year old come in wanting me to attach his Batman cape (of course) and then here comes my 7 year old needing help reading a word from her Ramona book.  Just when I thought the bathroom couldn't get any smaller her comes "Frenchy" the cat.  Who, by the way, can open up a door by pushing it in! 

Now that I let everyone and there dog (in this case cat) into share my bathroom experience with me,
I quickly fix everyone's problem and send them on their way. Just then I hear talking outside my door.


I peak out and I see ALL of  them line up like black Friday shoppers against the wall, just waiting for my door to open! Now believe you me that I LOVE being so popular in my house hold but even celebrities need their privacy from time to time.  You would think that I was hording candy or something by the response I was getting. 


The worst part is after they hear the flush and door open they say what they say and don't "need" to talk to me for hours. 


What can I say, I guess I am just old celebrity news!

 

And They Say CHIVALRY is Dead... :)

Today my eccentric son & I decided we would go shopping at Target. We needed a few typical items. Well this journey was just the same as any other day. My son Teague dressed in his red satin cape (yes this is typical in MY every day). With Superman by my side we set out in search of some cat food and as always .. way more than we planned to find. Now Clark Kent was equipped with a $5 Batman movie featuring Scooby Doo. :) Like all moms of mini super heroes, I made a deal: if he was well behaved on the store he could get the movie. Even super heroes need motivation, right?
Teague did a remarkable job througout the entire store, in fact an older lady commented on just how "well behaved" my son was and that it looked like I knew what I was doing. (Of course I do; I am a mom of a super hero and a princess) When those last few syllables came out of her mouth, my inner mommy cried "Oh No!". Like clock work my hero suddenly became my arch enemy. Now for some reason he thought it was cute to sit in the middle of uthe clothing racks with his monkey rain boots hanging out.(Yes I did say rain boot and a red satin cape... but in my defense he was fully dressed!)
We are now running saying "can't catch me". Finally I caught that little joker and explained that we cannot do that in the store and he willingly abided by this. We are now looking for a shirt for his sister because everyone knows it has to be fair, when all of a sudden Teague takes off. Now this wasn't your ordinary run off, this was more like the invisible man type thing! One minute he was there and the next he was gone. I chased after him leaving my cart, purse and the cat food behind. I went in the exact direction he went one second before. He was gone. I started to panic, couldn't breathe, and my watery eyes quickly started scanning the store. I turned to an employee who was near by and asked "have you seen a little boy in a red cape?". She looked at me like I was a nut case.
Feeling sick to my stomach, I hear the sweetest voice. "Momma where are you?" I am still scanning the room moving towards the voice. Again, "momma where are you?". There stood a brave two year old with the most innocent look on his face. I run towards him and he holds up his tiny blue oval box. "Por (for) you momma". Still furious and coming down from the panic craze I was just in, I open it. There in that box was a ring with black stones. My precious son saw this ring and took off to get it for me. I was torn with the emotions of being melted beyond belief or to stop allowing him to watch sport center. :)
So the question still remains: did the little cape wearing smooth talker get to keep the Batman/Scooby Doo movie?


Tune in next time:
Same Bat-Time. Same Bat-Channel.

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